Monday, February 18, 2013

Body Cumbersome


My legs wet sandbags.
My eyelids leaded curtains.
My bones rusted gears. 

This hour of the morning doesn't come easy, but it does come fast.
My calves are aching from leading four hours of lecture in four inch heels. Why did I do that? 

Eavesdropping on the students one day, Nina overheard them list my name in the "Top Three Hottest Teachers" category. I laughed out loud. 

How easily these corn-fed boys are trapped into ranking beauty by blonde highlights and knee high boots. Would they think so highly of me if they heard my dirty mouth? If they knew my secrets? If they saw my body covered in ink? Certainly not if they heard me sing the words to Razorblade like I mean it.  

Those boys have no idea how truly fucking beautiful I am. 




And yet, I wake up early to scrape away the sand, peel off the lead and paint over the rust. I apply a new face and dress up as if my mother had ever taught me how to be pretty. 

12 comments:

  1. I think i have an inkling as to how fucking beautiful you truly are. It's evident through your writing. Your words can only come from an old soul, and that's a beautiful thing.

    I mean that in the least creepy way possible. And I'm not corn fed.

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    1. Funny you should call me an old soul.. Sometimes I feel like I've grown beyond my years and I'm just waiting for everyone else to catch up.

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  2. I like the rawness of your writing, you write the words you feel. Some people are afraid to bare their soul, and your not. I loved it! Best wishes to you!

    I am new to the writing scene....learning because I have always had it in my head to write since I was a kid. I hope I can take something I got from your writing and apply it to myself as I progress along.....being yourself.

    I have a couple of blogs here....hope to talk to you later! Sandy

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  3. They haven't a fucking clue.

    You dressing up for them is simply camouflaging your true glory so they won't be blinded by it.

    Ouch about the legs, maybe nice comfly flats from now on? I had an Econ lecturer who'd teach in jandals, boardshorts and a Hawaiian shirt. He never wore the same one two days in a row, he has a massive collection.

    Take care <3

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  4. do what makes u feel happy and fuck everyone else
    xx

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  5. don't let anyone influence any aspect of who you are if it does not feel right! i always feel that how i dress has such a big influence on how i feel. as long as it's ok with your institution's policy...dress however you like. you are beautiful no matter what. that i am sure of!

    xxx

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  6. I mean, we yearn for people to see the real people we are. the person you've described. but instead we paint our faces and hide our true selves away. I think it takes an extraordinary person to be able to see undisguised beauty.

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  7. Your writing is an indicator of the deep soul that you are my friend. It's funny how our writing can expose the most inner-parts of ourself...parts that even friends and family sometimes don't see.

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  8. You say what I feel like saying... what I am not always comfortable in saying... which is good... we all need to be able to articulate what is on our mind :)

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  9. My peers had similar conversations about their teachers. Kinda weirded me out. It's good to meet you! :)

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  10. feel ya on that shit. only my students are 13-15 which has an ick factor.

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    1. Yeah.. at least mine are technically adults. Ick.

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