Welcome back?

Hello, Midwest.
And you are snowing.
Again.

Last week was unintentionally unplugged. No internet. No laptop. No work. And shitty cell reception somewhere between San Antonio and the bay.

I may not know where home is, but I will always feel grounded by a warm breeze, the scent of a saddle shop, apple moonshine and two-stepping down the sidewalk.

I miss Texas. 
I don't belong here.

Dirty Water

In reality, the first snow is not pretty. It is not plush or white, but thin and grey. Immediately transforming into slush, the first snow disappears into dirty water beneath my feet. It veils high branches and fallen leaves and it waits until the evening to freeze into black ice.

The first snow is not trustworthy.

The ground is too warm but my hands are always cold. The miserable sky gives me shivers, even indoors. My skin feels tight and I take too many bubble baths.

Winter snow on television is false advertising.

I will drink hot tea to keep from eating too much as I relish the day free of distraction.

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No Such Thing

There is no such thing as a lovers' oath. - Plato

We were wary, emptied out and folded.
At least we had that in common.

The flowers arrived the day I moved in. They were safe. Platonic.  Delivered by a smiling girl between trips to and from the moving truck.
                 
                  Glad you made it. 
                     - Your first friend in Iowa

He started visiting once or twice a week, first offering to help me unpack, to hang my pictures.

I made him nervous.

I am.

It's just me.

I am my mother's daughter.
     Though if you asked her, she'd deny it.
My step dad laughs when he says, "At least she's not milk toast."
And my boyfriend nods and replies, "Right."

It's just that, in this particular venue, it's as if I am sheltered from myself and all of the things I used to know. Pieces of me have inadvertently been left behind as my life has shifted shape between each new place.

I am adaptable.
     Though homesickness is a novel lament here.
I wasn't meant to live with six months of cold like this.
"I'll keep you warm," he says.

It's time to get back to the basics. Perhaps the Midwest isn't stifling. I've just been a little lost because the circumstances which led me here are the kind that make people crinkle their brow and apologize for lack of anything else to say.

Welcome to my newest home.

xx
Lulu