Sunday, March 30, 2014

time is tumbling towards us

Disquiet nights and thoughtless turbulence -
disturbulence -
- it leaves me blinking into the grainy darkness.
There are three boys in my bed (twelve legs between us).
If I am careful, no one will be the wiser.
It's 3AM and "trying" to sleep is a perfect example of futility.

Yesterday afternoon I hit a wall. Expecting to stumble heavy and dormant into sleep ends with nothing but disappointment . Energy reserves caked with torpor invite only vague disinterest in going the "extra mile."

I need my clock to reset.

-- One final job interview. Did you know these things take three days? THREE DAYS.
That's three days of being "on." Being "charming." Being "engaged." Being attentive, and thoughtful, interested
(and interesting).

But how can I be interested (and interesting) when all I want in the world is to know what in the world I want?


We are so glad to have you. 
He reaches for my hand. 
Welcome back. 


  1. Ooh that last line is so true. It's so hard to be interviewed about what you want when it feels like you are constantly scrambling with that fact yourself. I always adore your writing, love. I hope all is well with you.

    Tightrope to the Sun

  2. I love that last line of how can be interesting or interesting when you don't even know what you want in this world... this is so true for so many people... I feel this too...

  3. A three day job interview? I have had two interviews before but never three. Wow.

  4. disturbulance. that's ingenious. this interview sounds exhausting, i can only be charming and on and interesting for like an hour tops :) and that last line.... gosh how relevant.

  5. Oh.i.wish.i knew what.i want too...

  6. some days are tiring and hectic than the others. I think that's why we come here to calm the mind and relax the life.


  7. Knowing what you want is easy, wanting what you have is the tricky part. I hope you'll figure it out, maybe that job is the first step.

    / Avy

  8. What is it about 3am that brings out the secret in us? You know, those things that we think are hidden but are really just beneath the surface.

    I may not even know what I'm talking about. Either way, that's good writing.

  9. MEEP!

    I hope the interview went well. Run yourself a bath and have some relaxing quiet time when you get back.


  10. Beautifully written. 3am is that time of the night when anything seems possible and our thoughts run wildest.

    M xx

  11. "But how can I be interested (and interesting) when all I want in the world is to know what in the world I want?"

    I've spent the last week asking myself this very question. yet another week. I still don't have an answer.....i am scared I never will...I am also scared, if i don't know, how can i ever make a right decision. No matter what I decide, it will always be the opposite, simply because it is.....