Friday, February 28, 2014

Loyalty and Logic

If I could just let go 
of the feeling that 
everything would be 
lost -

I do best with decision making between three options. No more, no less.

Pink, green, black.
Mild, moderate, severe.
Wine, beer, cocktail.
Comedy, drama, documentary.
Chocolate, fruit, mint.

It sounds so fucking selfish to say it, but it's true. I have too many alternatives. Too many opportunities. More than three things to choose from.

I've waited nearly two months for a hard offer from the hospital in Atlanta. I've called their bluff on offers for other positions within the company. I've played the game and interviewed with multiple other groups.  (I'm no longer one of those girls who doesn't know what she's worth.) In fact, I'd started to give serious consideration to places I never intended on living. To job titles I never intended on pursuing.

West Lafayette?
San Antonio.
Las Vegas?

Then it came. Then they called my bluff. With a deadline.
The clock ticks in Atlanta.
And now I am back to square one.

Fucking loyalty. Fucking logic. 

Also, I have missed you. 



  1. Oh LuLu... I have missed you... girl I will always read and comment on your blog... what you write touches me to the core every time... I remember when you told me you couldn't be friends with an ex, I was in my delusional stage that I could remain friends with my D... I was wrong.. and that sucks but I can't or won't let it pull me down... I am tenacious... I never give up...

    I feel for the decisions you have ahead, I am contemplating a huge change in my life in the next year, I am scared witless so that must mean that I am supposed to do it... Thank you so much for your comment on my blog... you are always so sweet <3

  2. You go girl. Don't settle for anything less than what you think you deserve.
    Have missed you.

    Hopelessly Hopeful

  3. We have missed you too.

    Don't feel selfish about not being able to make decisions. I cannot handle when there are too many options thrown at me. As lovely as options are, I need about three so I can make a damn choice. Infinite possibilities leave me with infinite amounts of unease about any of my decisions. Too many alternatives. But you've got all of us supporting you and you will find greatness.

    Tightrope to the Sun

  4. I can't make decisions at all, even 3 is too much for me, I just can't, it's the trait in myself I most deplore x

  5. Sometimes logic doesn't make sense and you have to follow your intuition. Loyalty, well that's a dying virtue.

    Good to see you writing.

  6. Three options feels like far too many for me.

  7. Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose. I think that may be true, that our biggest fear is to lose what we have, even if giving it up means a chance of finding something better. You'll do fine either way, I'm sure of it.


  8. Very glad you are blogging again! The Australia option sounds intriguing :)

  9. i hate applying for jobs. i always picture myself working there, what life would look like, how it would be different, how it would be the same. i put too much of my heart into applications.

  10. I have missed you too.

    You're worth a damn lot, mate.

    Good luck <3

  11. why wasn't mexico on the list? :/

    i'm moving up near seattle in two weeks.

    1. Mexico is on the backburner for now. Still some things I need to take care of before I head into that venture. So you're probably in Seattle already. And I'll miss you on my way south...

  12. come and live in needs rawness like yours

    1. You know, if you're ultimately alone anyway, might as well move as far away as possible from anyone and everyone who only pretends to know you.